SRPL Reflections: Thursday Nights

(First a note. There may be some who consider these reflections maudlin, self-indulgent, sappy, etc. As a very important chapter in my life ends it makes me feel better to write about it. I'd like to share it with anyone who's interested. If you're not then just don't read it, but please, no stupid comments.)

One of the things I will miss most about working at SRPL (besides the money) is the camaraderie. I made many good friends there and in a few cases, solidified friendships that already existed.

Going out on Thursday nights is a concept that predates my participation in it. Many members of the crew would go out after work and “blow off steam” at clubs and bars throughout Nassau County. That was never my scene. However, in 1994 when the bottom dropped out from under me, I had to rethink what “my scene” was if I wanted a social life.

It was then that my girlfriend of nearly four years handed me my walking papers. It wasn’t totally unexpected but it was devastating nonetheless. I moped sufficiently for the first few months but soon realized staying home and mooning over her was not healthy.

By this time the real craziness that accompanied the Thursday festivities had kind of died down. People were getting older, accepting responsibilities and getting hammered on a weeknight wasn’t as viable a prospect as it was back in the day. This was the perfect time for me to join the crowd.

At first, I felt a little out of place, a bit of a hanger-on. Even though I had worked alongside these people for six years I never really saw them outside the library (with the exception of one person). They were all gracious and welcoming, knowing full well I was still smarting from the break up.

At first it was going out for the sake of going out. I never felt more comfortable than just sitting and BS-ing with my friends either in my basement or one of their houses. I didn’t drink and I hated loud, smoky bars. My preferred method of hanging out sustained me for many years, but losing my relationship was like waking up after a decades-long sleep to realize that everyone had grown up. This is what people did and I had better get with the program.

After a while it wasn’t so bad. I never took up drinking, but I still enjoyed myself. The aftermath of my breakup really showed me who my friends were and all of them were supportive in their own way.

Very quickly, this became part of my weekly routine, something I looked forward to – a guaranteed night out! During this time I quit the job at the library but by hanging out with the boys on Thursday I kept one foot in the place by meeting up with them there. It sowed the seeds for my eventual return.

As I noted earlier, I came in to the Thursday experience during a transitional period. People were getting older, developing long-term relationships and naturally, they fell away. Some were frequent guest stars, others vanished, but a strong core was maintained for a number of years. Marriages and children took their toll, but still the tradition endured.

I must give my wife credit for never trying to hamper something that was so important to me. Thursday nights allowed me to maintain contact with my friends in a way I never could otherwise. It was a standing, sacred, immutable experience, earmarked by a few simple rules: no chicks, no outsiders (exceptions occasionally made) and….well that was really it.

Over the years watering holes changed, classic hangout spots closed and it seemed as though we were hanging on by our fingernails trying to keep this experience alive. Often, we would see movies together on Thursdays as I had long since lost my appetite for going on the weekends.

Now as the SRPL experience ends, so too does the “excuse” we had to get together in the first place. That would seem to signal the end of the regular Thursday experience. We’re down to three regulars and two occasional “guest stars” (very occasional). Two of the regulars are brothers and they’ll still see each other all the time, so by default I seem to be the glue holding this experience together, one I chaffed at years ago as being somewhat beneath me.

I’ve often sneered that this is the last nail in the coffin of my youth. I’m certainly not trying to rail against the tide of marriage, parenting and responsibility. It’s what happens naturally and everyone falls in line sooner or later. But this experience, for me, has evolved substantially and taken on many roles.

At first, it was a salve for an open wound that seemed like it would never heal. It got me back out into the world and helped jumpstart the healing process. Then, as my adult life took shape it was a way for me to maintain very important connections with the people who helped form me and whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. It was regular as clockwork, rarely missed and critically important to me.

I watch the show, “Men of a Certain Age,” with Ray Romano. In it the three protagonists are college friends who have maintained their ties for more than two decades by sharing a standing breakfast date. I don’t know if that desire to stay together is particular to men, but its importance in our lives – in my life - cannot be diminished. I have no idea what the future holds for Thursdays. If it evolves into a bi-weekly or monthly affair then so be it, but I hope it lives on. To have that experience, on top of the library experience itself, was a great blessing.